I got the divorce decree in the mail the other day. It was signed on April 15th. Eleven years after our engagement party. Ten years and seven months after our wedding. Seven months after we filed for divorce. A year and four months after we officially separated. Two years and eight months after we took a workshop with our therapist and came to the realization that we should probably split up.

On a side note, one bizarre thing is that I found myself, for no apparent reason, taking off my wedding ring the other day. I was at the computer and I pulled the ring off and set it down in front of the monitor. It was an action without a particular thought attached. Later that day, I got the divorce decree in the mail.

The separation and the ultimate divorce took some years, but it was better that way. Neither of us dumped the news on the other. Neither of us had a big shock. We both came to the realization. We spent all the time we needed to process with each other, and to disentangle from each other. It took a while before we were ready to step into the actual divorce process.

Stepping into the actual divorce process is scary. That’s when you enter the really acute phase. I have friends who have never wanted to face that part, who have chosen to remain separated and never get the actual divorce. One friend says she does this because she wants to get his health insurance. I can see the appeal. I’d like to have good health insurance coverage. I hate avoiding doctor visits when I need them, because of not being able to afford them. But that for me, is not a good enough reason to avoid the divorce process. I have to be brave. I have to face the world on my own. And if I don’t have health insurance for a while, so be it.

I have to believe that I will get a job that allows me to support myself and gives me health benefits. Facing the divorce process and facing the fear of being on your own (financially and psychologically) for me is the way to go. It is much cleaner to get the divorce. I think it gives you more opportunity to do the personal work, to face fears, to grow, to get strong on your own, and to allow for the right person to come into your life.